Now you can kiss my ass, fuckers!
Holy Mother of God! It hath arriven! All hail Lady Corina, the one and only agent of truth and beauty in that dark evil realm, a beacon of hope to all posterity...

Corina, Corina
After ten minutes of being shuttled back and forth between the operator, a non-existent voice mailbox, and the registrar's office, I finally got to speak to a live person (loose definition) at the illustrious Fashion Institute of Technology. Corina seemed to be proficient in the Enlgish language and actually sounded like she was writing down my name and address for mailing my diploma (fifth time's the charm, right?) And she said it would go in the mail the next day (which would now be today). So if this damn thing doesn't show up by next Friday I will officially know that this place is not simply incompetent and apathetic. It is also peopled with liars.

It's really too bad that all the money I owe in school loans is owed to Sallie Mae instead of to FIT. It would be really nice to just not pay for this so-called education, since it appears that maybe I didn't really go to school there after all... Ha; that would get that friggin scrap of parchment here pretty quick, wouldn't it?

Corina, this is your one chance to restore my faith in humanity.



...on some level, that is. The fact that Bush was re-elected, the radical Christian conservative movement has taken over our nation, and now SpongeBob is being denounced as an insidious infiltration of the evil homosexual agenda is something from which my fragile nature will never recover.

Trauma to end all traumas
I found a grey hair today. It's all over.

Aahhhh.... nothing like gettin' up early on Christmas Eve and having a quiet cup of coffee and watching "Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Vegas". A time-honored tradition indeed....

When I was in junior high my little group of friends decided who among us would be which character on SBTB, like who we were most similar to. I was Lisa Turtle. That's cool; Jessie was too uptight and Kelly was too cheerleadery. And Lisa was always wearing the weirdest stuff that was supposed to be trendy and stylish. Kind of like those purple suede boots I had in eighth grade. Remember those, Josh? Ha ha.

Kelly totally got a boob job during college, methinks....

Is it just me, or is it weird that my neighbor has one of those big-ass animatronic light-up reindeer? It's not like I live in the burbs with pretty little houses all in a row; I live in an apartment and this guy has said reindeer perched precariously on the balcony railing accompanied by some triangular green light-up thing which I imagine to be a Christmas tree...

Or am I really as big a grinch as my coworkers say I am? Hey, just because I didn't want to decorate the office doesn't make me Scroogey, does it? I just happen to have something against decorating for holidays. Namely, it's lame and cleaning it up is a pain in the ass. My boss actually asked if I was Jewish, and not because of my last name (for once) but because I was griping about having to set up a tree and hang garland and shit in the office.. I wonder if I would've still had to do it if I were Jewish...

She lives!
And we have a connection! Huzzah! Only took 3 months to get internet at my new place. Man, am I on top of things...

Okay, well nothing's really happened in that time anyway, except my narrowly escaping several nervous breakdowns due to the fact that I have been so fricking busy!

It's been educational though, being without internet and cable for 3 months.. kind of like seeing how the pioneers lived.

The saga continues...
Okay, I haven't updated for a while because I moved and I don't have internet yet. I'm sure I have lots to say, and I'll get to it eventually, but this was so good it couldn't wait. So I am casting furtive glances over my shoulder as I write this, as I'm at work right now. So... I've called FIT twice since my last blog about that wretched hellhole wanting to know where the fuck is that damn diploma!! So Matt called me on Sunday to let me know that it finally came. Holy Mother of God, it must be the apocalypse. So I went over to pick it up with the rest of my mail, and I open it up and.. my name is misspelled. Of course. I think that hoping for that place to actually competently perform the simplest task is just expecting too much. It's not like my name is difficult to spell, but that's not even the point. They have my name spelled correctly on every other piece of correspondence I've ever gotten from them, including the address label on the frickin' diploma!So I called today and asked to have a corrected one sent and they tell me I have to send this one back first. Are you shitting me? I have to pay $2.00 in postage to send this stupid thing back to them so I can get my diploma corrected after having waited over a year to get it in the first place?

SERENITY NOW!!!!

Okay, okay, so I've been busy lately. I have been a total stress case; two weddings coming up in October, one in November, plus a Catwoman Halloween costume for my dad's (male) hairstylist. Add seven other clients I'm working on and my time to blog is shrinking considerably! On top on this, it looks like I'm moving in a couple weeks, so I've got to pack up all my shit and relocate this whole damn operation...

SERENITY NOW!... or is it "SANITY"?

For your goofing-off-at-work pleasure
Alright, not much worth mentioning has happened lately, but I did stumble onto this damned funny website which I feel compelled to share with you, as well as others that have kept me pleasantly amused in the past. This is my gift to you, from one slacker to another:

McSweeney's
My favorite is the "Lists" section. Random smart-ass comments=hours of fun.

In Passing
This girl eavesdrops on people wherever she goes (much like myself, only she writes the conversations down for posterity and for people like me to deride others and feel better about myself).

Ironic Times
The time-pressed/ADD reader's version of The Onion.

And, of course, The Onion
America's finest news source...

A little word of advice: Do not wear a wrap-around skirt on a windy day. I'm pretty sure I gave the Baja Fresh diners more than they bargained for yesterday as I walked up from the parking lot...